To Dadi, with love!

She died young at the age of 67. She was young at heart like me but her body didn't supported well. She fought till the very last minute. It was a slow death that slowly gulped her whole. At first it was plain drowsiness, which killed her spirit towards life and then later bring her physical works at halt. She then even lost her appetite-one unusual thing being a foodie. Her muscles gave up, all being swelled up. She even couldn't perform the daily prayers, couldn't walk or answer the nature's call, couldn't eat and was bed ridden for couple of weeks. Then came another shock, she faded out on her senses and was loosing away in the deep empty spaces not even recognizing us-her family. Over the months her kidney became useless and it was just a matter of time when it reached her brain. Partially active, she laid in home two days long chanting the 'Ram-naam' after breathing and surviving in ICU machines for 6 tough long days. 

The past few years had been difficult for her with suffering from chronic disease-kidney failure that ended up in multiple complications resulting in complete body shutdown. As we were searching for answers in her treatments and medications, the disease took her over, day by day, week by week. Being treated with Dialysis and all possible nephrology treatments, her system still didn't reacted well. We tried every possible way to somehow bring her back to life and make her feel alive as she always used to. But then, she vanished somewhere deep far away all of sudden and we helplessly saw her going.

My Childhood days: My Brother, Amma, Dadi and me.

       Perfect Family: A perfect family photo on occasion of mummy's
       birthday, all those smiling faces appeared so lovely..

I was fortunate enough to have spent a lot of time alone with her, talking to her and joyfully cheering her up while helping with all I could. In those times I was able to observe sides to my grandmother’s personality that very few had experienced. In home I often found myself restless; too much relaxation got to me, maybe because I was the youngest at home and didn't have much to do.Even she used to spend quite a idle time with me- so we made a good bonding together. Those 18 years of my life I lived with her, gave me some timeless and incredible memories that won't ever fade out. 

Family:  Me, dadi ,badi amma ( front row), bhai and mummy (back row)

She was phenomenal in her own way, spreading her charm on every one she met. A soft-spoken and rebel at the same time.It was over time and much experimenting with different formats that I realized we were so attached to her. The slow, languorous passage of time at home provided a lot of leisure for spending time with her. I would find myself thinking about my grandmother’s spirit, her experiences and her zest for life.Her passion and zeal for life in every work she does-something which has a lot of importance in my life—seems to have passed on to me.

Perfect Shot: Though she didn't liked to be clicked.

At home, most of the time was spent idly as good moments or quarrels and much more, because in different moods came her best moments. Due to her diseases, she had a controlled diet filled with restrictions- like no salt, very less water and dozens of medicines. She became somewhat habitual of it with time and realisation after enough of revolts and opposition towards the restrictions. She was one extra-ordinary being with whom I shared enough of life-long memories and moments. It was in her childhood when she came close to god which then made her disciplined in form of following all the rituals and religious know-hows.Slowly she became an influential avid learner of bhajans which she used to sing to herself, those resonated through the house and even to people around her. The image of this woman was of a ferociously disciplined and strict human being who had sides that were as human as anybody else’s.

She had seen life more than me, 50 more years to be precise, so she was rigid in many ways. I realized how similar we were. We were both actually sensitive but showed ourselves to be strong. We were both stubborn and transparent. 

My grandmother was extremely independent, so when she fell sick, it was not her sickness that caused her pain, but the loss of independence. She never liked asking for help even though we wanted to make her more comfortable. An independent lady she was -making the best of time, had her own set of ideologies on which she lived till her last breath.

The Last ride: As she turned into cinders, her ashes were taken to Haridwar .

She choked to death while breathing through the oxygen mask and being fed through a tube for days. After jumping on-off from the deathbed for a week, we brought her home where we sat beside her holding her hand interpreting those eyes in silence. 

My Dadi (dadadiya) passed away peacefully in her sleep on December 28, 2013, instilling her beliefs so firm that I know now we can take on life without fear or uncertainty and live it fully, with satisfaction. I know while I gaze at the sky looking deep at the stars, I know somewhere she resides in them and showers us with the same blessing and affection. You will remain with us ever and forever... in our memories, in the goods and the bads, in all those moments we lived together, in the walks of life to come... 

For you, a thousand times over...